Transparent Answer
by bamboeng
Summary: A fic of the song Transparent Answer, part of the Kagerou Project series. A little different Shintaro, who's more tolerant and caring, and a big deal of speculation, because of the lack of details on Toumei Answer... Tells the story of how a boy met someone who changed his life, only to have it return back to its original state when that someone disappears
1. Their First Meeting

_**First fic, so don't be too hard on me.**_

_**I'm now on the fandom of KagePro, and just came to love Transparent Answer by Jin.**_

_**Then again, a big part of this story is pure speculation on my part._. **_

_**Oh, and special thanks to Ashley Antwolf and Dee Beckett for Having Beta'ed this story.**_

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**Preface**

_My name is Shintaro Kisaragi and this is my story…_

_A story about how I met a certain girl, my interactions with her, and how I came to treasure her…_

_And how I lost her._

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**(Shintaro, age 16)**

Now, let me start by introducing myself.  
My name is Shintaro Kisaragi, a student in A certain high school.  
A bit about myself, I'm a stereotype example of what people calls "genius".  
But because of that, life has became "grey" for me. Simply put, boring.  
Boring, because I already know what will happen in life, and that made me couldn't stand this ordinary life. Hey, maybe it was the main reason I was called unsociable.

But my ordinary life, grey days , these boring nights… all of it changed when I met a certain girl.

**(Scene Change)**

It is now the middle of August, and barely any time had passed since I entered high school.  
I sit in the same seat as always, on the farthest row from the board and second seat to the goes on with its bleak "grey" color, and that made me sick.  
The usual perfect marks on my test paper proves that. While my classmates congratulates me, I kept my blank expression. I have gotten used to this. Meanwhile, I noticed a female classmate who's seated to the left of my seat is getting scolded by the teacher for getting low marks. The one thing I noticed is that she only smiled sheepishly.  
'What was her name again?' I tried to remember, but I left that train of thought as the bell rang, signifying the end of school.

Usually, when school ends, people would go home,hang out with their friends, or go to their club. But I'm not that sociable, so I just sat there in my seat, contemplating on a few things on my mind. Bored by doing nothing, I took a glance at that peculiar classmate from before. It seems she's still here… Wait, what is she doing now? Folding paper cranes using her test paper?  
She, having noticed me staring at her work, walked up to me. With that carefree smile of hers, she gave that paper crane to me.

"Here you go!" she said.

"Wait a minute, when did I ever said that I wanted it?" I replied, looking dumbfounded.

"You were staring at it so intently, I thought you wanted it or something."

"No, no, I was surprised, why would a person fold a paper crane with a test paper?"

"Oh, that. I thought it would be no use if I got depressed because of a stupid test, so I decided to do something fun with it." I chuckled at her simple reasoning.

"By the way, your name's Shintaro Kisaragi, right? May I call you Shintaro-kun from now on?" She said while smiling.

"Of course. And you are…" Damn, I didn't even bother to remember my classmates' names.

"Geez, you should at least remember your fellow classmates' names. It's Tateyama Ayano, nice to meet you, Shintaro-kun."

"Nice to meet you too, Tateyama-san." I replied.

"I'd prefer if you'd call me by my first name, but that's okay. Shintaro-kun, I must say, you're amazing, you aced all the tests!"

'Not that again' I thought.

"It's nothing really. It was just a simple test, that's all." The exact same answer I gave everybody else.

"Hee~ is that so? I can't seem to do well on any of the tests" she said, while smiling sheepishly.

"Don't worry about it, these kind of tests mean nothing anyway." It was then that I noticed, that we were the only person left in the classroom.

"Tateyama-san, isn't it about for you to be on your way home?" I asked.

" I could, but it's not like i'm going to do anything at home. Rather, don't you have student duty right now? Let me help you."

That smile of hers was… rather hard to refuse."Alright, you're welcome to do so."

Then we began cleaning the classroom. Since then, we began to hang out together, whether it be her approaching me first, or inversely.  
'This girl is sort of… different. Maybe having her around wouldn't hurt.'

At that time, I didn't realize of how wrong that last statement would be.

**End of Chapter 1.**


	2. The Heart That Wants To Disappear

_**A/N: Second Chapter is here! Sorry it took me over 2 weeks to write such a short chapter...**_

_**More speculation here, the first reff(?) from the song/PV, hope it's good enough.**_

_**Thanks again to the beta previously mentioned in chapter 1. I really appreciate it.  
**_

_**Now, on with the story...  
**_

* * *

'Perfect Score.'

' Again.' On this piece of paper lays a 100 score written on it. An usual sight that I have gotten sick just by looking at it. 'It almost feels like I've already seen this scene a hundred times before.' Let me repeat, I only excel at academics. I can't do physical stuff, nor do I have any talents for anything else besides my intelligence. 'Sure, 168 IQ, but I'm just an ordinary human if I were without it. Which means I am…'

Replaceable.

It might sound stupid, but that is the one thing that I keep reminding myself of, regardless of how much trouble a certain girl would give me if she knows about it. 'When did I start thinking of other people? Especially her.' As I ponder on that thought, I found mself having left the classroom with my test paper still between my fingers. Having nothing to do, I wandered aimlessly around school.

**_(Scene__ Change)_**

and before I knew it, I was already standing on the rooftop. 'I wonder what am I doing here…' Instinctively, I gripped the fence surrounding the rooftop, and a single thought crossed my mind.

Suicide.

'Ridiculous. As if I'll ever do it.' But deep inside, I thought that the idea doesn't sound too bad. Actually intrigued by the idea, I felt disgusted with myself. Suddenly, I thought about how Ayano would get mad at me for even thinking of such things. 'Something's definitely wrong with me. Why did I think of her for a second time today?'

Come to think of it, it has been about a month since I met her. During that time, some things has changed. Me and Ayano, I didn't know when it happened, but now we refer to each other by our first names. And another thing, I started to realize how much of a bright girl she is, even though I sometimes feel uneasy when I see her smile. Returning to my previous thought, I glanced at my test paper, and spontaneously ripped it to shreds with my two hands. As I watched the pieces falling, I muttered something.

"Even if I died right now, someone would replace me."

"Baka!" 'That voice… is that Ay-' My thoughts were cut off as a familiar red scarf was being wrapped around my neck, forcing me to stumble backwards slightly. When I turned around, I was met by Ayano's smile.

"What are you doing here? Heck, how did you know I was here?" I inquired, hoping she didn't hear what I was muttering earlier, and she smirked at that.

"Do I need a reason to be here? And to answer that second question, It's a secret!" I sighed. Tateyama Ayano, the most cheerful girl in the whole world.

"Why are you always like this?"

"Don't say that. I came here to cheer you up, you know?"

Cheer me up? Sure, I may look down, but I'm always like that. But being the unsociable boy that I am, I tried to deny her advances. "And do I look like I need it?" Immediately after that, I let out a soft grunt as she karate-chopped the top of my head.

"Then what's with you saying that "replaceable" thing?!" She heard it after all.

"That's… just a spur-of-the-moment thing, I guess?" I had hoped she would believe me, but it doesn't look like it considering the face she's making right now.

"I don't believe you. Really, Shintaro-kun should stop being so down all the time. It worries me." She worries about me? I felt very guilty after hearing that. She's the very first person to ever worry about me, aside from my little sister.

"Sorry I made you worry. But I'm fine, really."

"Come on, Shintaro-kun. You can tell me. I'm your friend, right?" How could she see through people like that, I would never know?

'Friends, huh…' Again, I sighed. Knowing her, I knew this would happen sooner or later anyway.

"I suppose you are, Ayano-san. Let's find a place to sit, and take your scarf off me first." Contrary to what I expected, she pulled the other end of the scarf and began to wrap it around her neck.

"It's warmer this way, isn't it?"

"But… don't you think it's a bit embarassing?" looking at the situation, most people who see us would think that we are lovers or something. Yet she doesn't seem to care about it one bit.

"Aww, are you embarrassed, Shintaro-kun? It's not like anyone would come here anyway." She said, with a big grin on her face. There's just no end to arguing with her.

"Whatever, let's just sit." With that, we took a seat at the nearby bench. After we sat, there was a long silence between us. And I, being uncomfortable with the silence, spoke first.

"Ayano-san, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it, Shintaro-kun?"

"Why are you so nice to me? Even though all I ever do is pushing you away." I know the thing that I'm saying is not like me, but if it's her, maybe…

"Because I'm your friend, simple as that. Besides, it's not like I have many friends. I'm stupid remember?"

"But you're kind. No one ever cared about me as much as you do."

"I… have always distanced myself from other people. Maybe because I always see the world for all it is, or because I think it's easier that way. I never really cared about that. But somehow, you're different."

"Different how?"

"I don't know, it's something I can't really describe, but you genuinely cares for me, with no strings attached. And you even considered me friends, even when I always tried to avoid you."

"I'm flattered, Shintaro-kun. but why did you say that you were replaceable earlier?" She asked the question that I wanted to avoid the most.

"Do I have to answer that?"

"Yes, please. I want to know Shintaro-kun more, and I'm very bothered because you said things like that."

"Okay, then… I don't really know why, I already said it was a spontaneous thing. But if I were to put it to words, it's because I feel that I am only good for my brains. I always felt sick with these repeating days, and I don't have many people who would care for me. I know it's silly, but it got me thinking, maybe it would be okay if I disappeared. Right after I muttered that, you-" I was cut off as she placed her index finger on my lips.

"If you knew it was foolish, why did you even think about it? Even though it may be few, but someone will be sad if you were gone…"

"Like who?"

"Your friend right here. And didn't you say that you have a little sister? I'm sure she would too."

Silence. I didn't say anything, intrigued by her "speech"

"Don't forget that you have people who cares for you, like i-" She was visibly surprised when she saw me chuckle, then broke into loud laughter.

"W-What's so funny?!" As she said that, her face was turning bright red, and she looked rather cute when she's embarassed.

"Gomen, gomen. It's just that… this talk sounds very much like suicide counseling, if anything at all." It's been forever since i laughed this much.

"Hmph! And here I am, getting so serious to help you!" She looks so much like a kitten when she's pouting.

"Heh, you really are a funny person, Ayano-san." She's still sulking now, with her face turned away from me.

"Don't be mad, I'm just joking. Anyway, thank you for even listening to me. I really appreciate it."

"Baka! That's what friends are for." She leans on me as she said it. 'Friends, huh...' i thought again. on the rooftop alone, leaning on each other, wearing the same scarf, is just a friend? not that i mind at all.

"Ayano-san?"

"What is it?"

"Let me stay like this, just for a little longer." I can't even believe those words were coming from my mouth.

"Mm" She nodded, and i actually felt happy she did. Since then, i began to wonder, could i still consider Ayano as a friend?

Maybe that was the time when i started to get closer than necessary with her. At that time, i thought  
'Even if it's just a little, I began to genuinely enjoy her company. Maybe this isn't so bad at all'

Oh, how I wish for those days to last forever.

**End of Chapter 2.**


	3. Turning Point

_**A/N: Even longer chapter release, lately school has been weighing down on me…**_

_**I plan to conclude this in one or two more chapters, but somewhat confused as to end it or not, because right after Yobanashi Deceive (the song is awesome btw), there will be a song titled "Lost Time Memory" [The story that is burned into one's eyes] it is said to tell about the present Shintaro*YESH SHINTARO'S GOT 2 SONGS BIATCH*. And hopefully it can answer the many questions raised in Toumei Answer…**_

_***ehem. I'll end my rant here. Enjoy this **__**poorly/lazily made chapter 3…**_

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In the end, it seemed like I didn't know anything after all.

I had no idea what was she doing right now, alone by herself in the classroom. Last time I checked, she was smiling like her usual self.

Then why does it look like she was... crying?

And yet, why couldn't I bring myself to comfort, or at least talk to her?

I found myself peeking between the sliding doors of my class, and it seemed Ayano's here… it looked like she was crying, and my conscience told me to talk to her, but my mind hesitated. Since when did I have any right to go butting on other people's business?

But on the other side of the door was Ayano, not just some other person. She was the one who kept butting into my business, and I was feeling oddly glad that she did. The always smiling-klutz was looking out the window while shedding tears. For some reason, I couldn't bring myself to look at her like this.

I gathered up my courage and I took a step into the classroom. This was the least I can do for everything she has done to me, like that time on the roof.

"Ayano."

"!? Ah… Shintaro?"

Wiping off her tears, she seemed visibly surprised at me. I agree, this wasn't like me to care for another person besides myself.

"What are you doing here, all alone?"

"I, uh…"

"… Are you okay?"

Not bothering to wait for her response, I inquired again. If I didn't know any better, she would have searched for a reason not to worry me.

"You saw it from the beginning, didn't you?" There was a little pause before she replied . A forced, giving up-kind of smile graced her face. It bothers me, it just isn't right to watch her like this.

"Unfortunately, yes. Do you… need someone to talk to, maybe?"

... I hadn't thought about that. What would people do at times like these? What words should come out?

At my hopeless attempt to talk to her, she smiled. Definitely a lighter smile than the last, but still not her usual smile.

"Thank you, Shintaro… but I would like to be left alone right now."

"…Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'll be fine. It's not like you to worry about others like this, right?"

"Look who's talking."

"Haha, my bad."

Good, her timid and sheepish smile had come back. There was still something missing though…

"Anyway, could you leave me alone right now? I want to think about a few things…"

"Alright, alright. Just don't push yourself."

I was glad, she seemed to be recovering quickly, though I still had yet to ask her what those 'things' she mentioned and most importantly, why was she crying. Well, it was already a lot that I came to talk to her.

Just when I started to walk out of the room…

"Hey, Shintaro?"

When I turned around, she had this look on her face that said she had something important to say to me.

"Hmm?"

"… Nevermind."

"Come on, what is it?"

"It's nothing, it's nothing. Off you go, now shoo-shoo!"

"Okay, okay, walking out now."

Left confused, I left the classroom. But just before I closed the door, I think I heard her say something, it was faint but I think she said:

"_Gomen ne, Shintaro-kun_."

Now I'm even more confused.

Why did she say sorry?

Why was she crying?

"Ayano…"

I just couldn't figure out her mind, and that fact alone made me more frustrated than anything, I wonder why.

I hadn't realized, just when I had closed the door to the classroom, the unseen gears of fate began to turn, and no one, with the exception of _those eyes_, could do anything after that point.

_**End of Chapter 3.**_


	4. A Twist In His Story

_Where is she?_

I haven't seen Ayano for a few days now. Strange, i thought she said that she needed tutoring?

I don't know, but she just wasn't the same, ever since i found her crying in the classroom. Recently, her smile seems a little bit out of place.

And that makes me a little uncomfortable, if not... Worried.

it's been some time now, after that particular event happened. the students are all wearing summer uniforms.

Then i remember that time in winter, when she shed tears in this very classroom, yet she still smiled when i talked to her.

And i remembered how i wasn't able to talk to her, she just shoved me away like that, and i did what i was told. She has done a lot for me, i admit that. and i want to pay her back somehow.

_'Now where is she?'_

As i thought about that, i noticed a few girls... I don't even remember their names. They came in, bringing a vase and some flowers. They were crying their eyes out, too.

What happened?

At first i didn't care, but then a bad feeling washed over me.

What if she... No, this is Ayano i'm talking about.

She looks like she's happy enough with her life, as evidenced by that omnipresent smile plastered on her face.

I looked at them anxiously. Those girls... They were heading toward the left side of my seat- no, her seat.

I just stared at her empty seat, dumbfounded. Did she really... No. No, it can't be. My disbelief was shared with the boys in the class, apparently.

"What's going on?"

"Ayano?"

"That girl?"

"No way." Those kinds of comments flew around the class.

They seemed curious, some of them not believing it. The same goes for me.

"Wait, what happened to Ayano?" Curious, i asked one of the girls.

"Ayano, she... She committed suicide."

...

For me, time stopped at that moment. Well, not in the truest sense, it's the feeling you get when you're at utter disbelief _or _in denial.

Did she really die? The same _Ayano_ that i know?

There was so many questions i don't know where to start. Eventually, i found myself asking for details here and there, with the little acquaintances i know.

...

But the more questions answered, the more confused my mind became.

Ayano is dead. She died from jumping off the roof of the roof. She committed suicide.

All of them are facts, yet a part of me didn't want to accept it. Where is her body now, and who witnessed it?

The important question remains: _why _she did it.

**_(Scene change)_**

About two weeks later, school is still going on as usual. Life goes back to its previous state, bleak. Normal.

But what made me disgusted was how quickly they forgot her.

And how they pretended they knew her, especially the girls. They said things like how kind she was, to even befriend _me_, or how they guess incorrectly what she used to wear, like her hairpins.

_Heh_, thinking about it just wants to make me laugh.

Occasionally, i look over her empty seat. The flower vase is still there, but now the only one who changes its water is me.

After she left... i felt that a hole was made. No, it was already there all along. It's just that i haven't noticed it, until she came and left.

And now, i still haven't found the answer. Ironic, for a 'genius' like me.

Was that because she hid it so carefully that no one noticed, or it was just me... not wanting to know the answer.

Even though i tried, i really tried to know who her. I thought that maybe i was able to change with her around.

But she's gone now. And she won't come back.

_**End of chapter 4.**_


End file.
